When Hippos Attack: Nightmare on the Zambezi and the Miracle Paddle That Saved Their Lives

Adam Cox: So Phil guides the group to a quiet bend in the river, but the calm doesn't last for long 'cause Out of nowhere a loan male hippo explodes out of the reeds and charges straight at them, Phil yells to everyone to split up.

[00:00:15] Adam Cox: The hippo lunges it's four massive tusks spear, straight through Phil's leg in four different places, and the strength of that bite is unreal.

[00:00:24] Kyle Risi: Oh my God. We're really getting into this straightaway, aren't we? Yeah. Like the action is happening already.

[00:00:29] Adam Cox: I've set the scene. It's a nice day.

[00:00:58] Adam Cox: Welcome to the [00:01:00] compendium, an assembly of fattening things. Uh. Did you just say fating things? Fa uh, fascinating things. Take two. This, this won't make you put on weight if you listen. We are a weekly variety podcast that gives you just enough information to stand your ground at any social gathering.

[00:01:18] Kyle Risi: We explore stories from the darker corners of true crime, the hidden gems of history, and the jaw dropping deeds of extraordinary people.

[00:01:26] Adam Cox: I'm Adam Cox, your ringmaster for this episode.

[00:01:29] Kyle Risi: And I'm Kyle Reese, your clown psychologist for this week's episode.

[00:01:33] Adam Cox: Because clowns need therapy too,

[00:01:36] Kyle Risi: because clowns cry too.

[00:01:38] Kyle Risi: Why do you think clowns always paint that little tear? Oh, under their, under their eye. It's because they're sad. They are so depressed by. Constantly getting pie shoved in their face. So I am literally a DEI hire and I'm here to make sure that the wellbeing of our clowns is up there. Like , no clown can be left behind because

[00:01:59] Adam Cox: clowns have [00:02:00] feelings too.

[00:02:00] Kyle Risi: Clowns have feelings too. 100%. yeah, that's me today, clown psychologists.

[00:02:04] Adam Cox: Okay. I dunno if your job's safe, to be honest.

[00:02:07] Kyle Risi: Oh yeah. With the way everything, everything that's going on in America.

[00:02:10] Adam Cox: Yeah, that's a, that's a whole other situation. Anyway, before we dive in, a quick heads up For all you lovely freaks out there.

[00:02:17] Adam Cox: Remember signing up to our Patreon as a free member will get you early access to next week's episode an entire seven days before anyone else. And like I said, it's completely free,

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[00:02:40] Adam Cox: and we're expanding our Patreon benefits even further Now you can access all of our Vintage Compendium episodes from season one. These are the episodes from back when we were just starting out. And the ones that really made you fall in love with the show

[00:02:54] Kyle Risi: when? When we were still a bit amateur. Yeah.

[00:02:56] Adam Cox: not necessarily the best quality,

[00:02:58] Kyle Risi: but they are incredible [00:03:00] stories.

[00:03:00] Kyle Risi: Yes.

[00:03:00] Kyle Risi: There are some amazing episodes in their collection, like the Beanie Baby bubble of the 1990s told from the perspective of the women that were involved in that saga, or the infamous Jonestown Massacre where Jim Jones forces his followers to drink cyanide laced Kool-Aid, which is where the saying Drink the Kool-Aid comes from.

[00:03:21] Kyle Risi: And as we discovered during that episode, it was actually Flavor Aid. So Lucky escape for them. Wouldn't you say

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[00:03:40] Kyle Risi: And depending on the tier that you choose, we've got some exclusive merch to send your way, absolutely free.

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[00:04:00] Adam Cox: Solid gold as well.

[00:04:01] Kyle Risi: Solid gold. 100%. They guaranteed it from China.

[00:04:04] Kyle Risi: They said solid gold. And I was like, what for? For six pounds? And they were like, yep. And I was like, I'll take 50 of them. And by the way, this isn't a beautiful key chain from some crappy merch company. No, it isn't a beautiful key chain. You're right. Hey,

[00:04:20] Adam Cox: that's what it sounded like.

[00:04:22] Adam Cox: This is literally the love child of my negotiation skills with a Chinese national who could not speak English, but we persevered through, we worked together and we developed something beautiful. Can you hear that? That's it. That's it. That can be yours. and of course, the best thing is it won't cost you a dime.

[00:04:41] This is a brand new benefit for our certified Freakier members. As a special thank you for supporting us all these months, if you're an existing member, just send us a DM with your address and we'll ship one straight out to you.

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[00:04:55] Kyle Risi: and supporting the compendium through Patreon is truly the best way to show your love, [00:05:00] and you'll get something special in return. So keep an eye out because we'll also be launching even more goodies as the months come.

[00:05:06] Adam Cox: And while you're at it, don't forget to follow us on your favorite podcast app and leave us a review. Your support really helps us reach even more people like you who love a good tale of the unexpected.

[00:05:18] Kyle Risi: And guys, I promise you, when we ask you guys to send us reviews, you really deliver. We have some of the most inspirational, heartwarming reviews that you send through via website, and we just love it.

[00:05:30] Kyle Risi: And it's not just on the website. you can also review us on Apple or leave us a comment on Spotify.

[00:05:36] Kyle Risi: So we had a brilliant review just left a couple days ago. And it's from a brand new listener who says, oh my Lord, I'm a Canadian listener. And let me tell you, I commute one hour plus each way for work every day.

[00:05:47] Kyle Risi: And first, listen to your podcast on Gabby Petito. The second episode I listened to was the Trash Man yacht sinking, and I was hooked. Your personalities, sense of humor and the way you deliver these [00:06:00] podcasts is unmatched, please. Keep making more of these.

[00:06:04] Adam Cox: Oh, that's a really nice one.

[00:06:06] Adam Cox: , those are the types of reviews we always get.

[00:06:08] Adam Cox: We are unmatched, Kyle, we're unmatched. What have you got? so I have a review here from Corgi, Wendy. They say, I love the perfect mix of cockney and blue blood accent of the hosts. What? And their humor and style is also as great. It's quirky, plus a wonderfully dark humor. It's a must listen.

[00:06:25] Kyle Risi: Who is cockney and who is blue blood?

[00:06:28] Kyle Risi: I dunno. I'm not even

[00:06:29] Adam Cox: cockney. But neither are you? what is blue blood?

[00:06:32] Kyle Risi: I think it means fancy. Oh, fancy pants. Oh, well then

[00:06:34] Adam Cox: that's definitely me. So

[00:06:37] Kyle Risi: I'm the company

[00:06:38] Adam Cox: one. It feels right. Guy. I am

[00:06:39] Kyle Risi: South African. That is insulting to South Africans

[00:06:43] Adam Cox: blue blood accent. I've never heard of that before.

[00:06:46] Adam Cox: Does it just mean like, well, todo and everything like that? I think

[00:06:48] Kyle Risi: so. what do they call it? perceived Queen's English

[00:06:50] Adam Cox: I mean, if you knew who I was, I'm more like Hi synth bouquet.

[00:06:54] Kyle Risi: What? You're an old lady?

[00:06:56] Adam Cox: No. In terms of like make out like I'm posh. Oh, right. But really if [00:07:00] you've met my family, then no, not at all. I've met your

[00:07:02] Kyle Risi: family.

[00:07:02] Adam Cox:

[00:07:02] Adam Cox: Okay. So enough of the housekeeping because Kyle, today we are diving into an assembly of bad decisions, river monsters, and one paddle that might have been blessed by the gods.

[00:07:15] Kyle Risi: Ooh. Oh God. I have no idea what this could be about.

[00:07:18] Adam Cox: today we're heading deep into the Zambezi Valley, where two separate tourist groups just days and 200 kilometers apart at their peaceful African getaway, torn apart by the most unlikely terror.

[00:07:31] Kyle Risi: Wow. So we are revisiting the Great Plains, oh God. Of South Africa. We are. I knew it. I'm come home. I'm here.

[00:07:39] Adam Cox: You're gonna like this one. But this particular terror, Kyle, is about hippos.

[00:07:44] Kyle Risi: Yeah, motherfuckers are dangerous, man.

[00:07:46] Adam Cox: yeah, because what followed was a chain of events so wild, so brutal and so bizarrely connected.

[00:07:53] Adam Cox: It honestly sounds made up, but the thing is, it's not.

[00:07:57] Kyle Risi: It's all true. 100. True. Did you do some research? [00:08:00] I did. I did a little bit of research,

[00:08:01] Adam Cox: yes. This is the story of the terror on the Zambizi of 1994.

[00:08:07] Kyle Risi: Wow. Ooh. And going back to the best era ever,

[00:08:09] Adam Cox: now you alluded to hippos being dangerous. Mm-hmm.

[00:08:13] Adam Cox: Because what can you tell me about hippos?

[00:08:14] Kyle Risi: So I've heard that they're extremely aggressive. They're extremely territorial, and they will snap you like a fucking match. That's the thing. But they also are impartial to a bit of melon,

[00:08:26] Kyle Risi: so they're cute. But I don't want to touch 'em.

[00:08:28] Adam Cox: Yeah. That's pretty much all my notes that I've got here. Yeah. Cute melon, A little bit dangerous. Um, yeah, I think to be honest. I think people misunderstand them as being these kind of big, goofy creatures. They're not that dangerous unless you read into and find about what actually they get up to.

[00:08:44] Adam Cox:

[00:08:44] Kyle Risi: I'm well informed. I'm South African. I know the dangers of hippopotamuses.

[00:08:49] Adam Cox: Yeah. 'cause they'll defend their territory with a frightening force both in the water and on land. Mm-hmm. And they have the body count to prove it. Hippos [00:09:00] kill. Make

[00:09:00] Kyle Risi: it sound like the promiscuous

[00:09:02] Adam Cox: Promiscuous, yeah.

[00:09:03] Adam Cox: Like, what's your body count?

[00:09:04] Adam Cox: That's a, that's a different kind of counting, I think. Okay. hippos kill more people in Africa every year than lions, elephants, and rhinos combined. Really? We are talking hundreds of deaths annually.

[00:09:16] Kyle Risi: Wow.

[00:09:17] Kyle Risi: But surely people shouldn't understand the dangers and not be approaching them. They're not exactly the types of animals that will go stalking human beings. So people are probably putting themselves in the parts of danger here.

[00:09:27] Adam Cox: yeah, you're right because male hippos, they guard their territory like some kinda like mob boss.

[00:09:31] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm. And if you look at invading their sort of stretch of land or water, then they'll just charge at you. Whereas females, like a lot of animals, They're just incredibly protective of their young. Mm-hmm. So again, if you get near her calf, she's gonna hunt you down.

[00:09:46] Kyle Risi: Yeah. like so many females don't mess with the babies, man.

[00:09:48] Adam Cox: And they're not strictly her befores either. Hippos are primarily grazers, but they have been known to scavenge or even hunt other animals on rare occasions.

[00:09:57] Adam Cox: and apparently kill a [00:10:00] hundred humans a year. And lastly, did you know a hippo's jaw can open nearly 180 degrees and their canines can grow over a foot long.

[00:10:10] Adam Cox: So that means they can snap a watermelon. Mm-hmm. Or even a boat in two.

[00:10:14] Kyle Risi: Yeah. but they're not snapping down on it with their canines.

[00:10:18] Adam Cox: not just that, but that's what they, they pierce the structure or whatever. Sure. And then they just clamp down with their jaw.

[00:10:23] Adam Cox: How

[00:10:23] Kyle Risi: do you even close their mouth? 'cause it's not like their canines poke out from the size, like a saver tooth or anything. Like when they close their mouths, you don't see that tooth until they literally open their mouth. So where is that fucking thing going?

[00:10:34] Adam Cox: Does it retract? It's like one of those kind of things that kind of goes, you know, when you like push it against your finger like wolverine.

[00:10:40] Adam Cox: Oh yeah.

[00:10:41] Kyle Risi: if it did retract like one of those little stabby pens that you would get when you were a kid. Yeah. That's it Then the thing is though, that would do no damage. It'd be like the gist for show like your muscles, Hey

[00:10:50] Adam Cox: let's move on. It's true.

[00:10:53] So, yeah. Enough hippo facts for now, but I think it sets the scene that hippos aren't these cuddly, bumbling creatures we've been led to [00:11:00] believe. They're fast, they're aggressive, they're fiercely territorial, and packing one of the strongest bites in the animal kingdom.

[00:11:06] Adam Cox: And when you throw human encroachment into the mix, that's how you end up with a story I'm about to tell you. Hence the terror on the zambizi of 1994.

[00:11:15] Kyle Risi: Damn.

[00:11:16] Adam Cox: So it's Easter Sunday, April, 1994.

[00:11:19] A small group of German tourists were out on a canoe.

[00:11:23] Kyle Risi: Oh. It's always the Germans commandeering kind of the sun lounges putting their towels on there.

[00:11:29] Kyle Risi: Yeah. I'm not surprised by this. I'm not,sorry, not sorry.

[00:11:33] Adam Cox: This small group of German tourists were on a canoe tour on the Zabi River in southern Africa. It's one of those picture perfect days. The sun shining, the water sparkling and the landscape is beautiful. They were surrounded by wildlife.

[00:11:47] Adam Cox: There's elephants, there's buffalo, and of course hippos everywhere they looked. Leading that tour was a guy called Phil Longdon. Now, Phil wasn't just a guide. He was built like an Olympian. He had spent years on [00:12:00] the river. He loved the wild, the sun, and even the grumpy old dagger boys, which are these old solitary buffalo balls, who glared at him through the island reads he, this was home to him.

[00:12:10] Adam Cox: He loved being in like nature surrounded by this very

[00:12:13] Kyle Risi: poetic, I know. I'm building a picture. Yeah. No, you are. You're doing a good job. So what? These are just old buffalo that are just roaming around the Savannah or wherever, or the banks of the Subi River. Mm-hmm. And they're just like the old boys like, yeah, we are retired and we're just living out our dream.

[00:12:28] Kyle Risi: We put in the hours.

[00:12:29] Adam Cox: Yeah. we're just gonna sit here and watch these German tourists canoe on through.

[00:12:34] Kyle Risi: Got it.

[00:12:34] Kyle Risi: Vivid picture.

[00:12:35] Adam Cox: So Phil guides the group to a quiet bend in the river and tells them to line their canoes up side by side. Then he had them do something called a leg over, basically, where you put one foot in the canoe to your left and the other foot in the canoe to your right. Connecting everyone into a floating raft, if you will.

[00:12:51] Kyle Risi: Oh, yeah. We've done that before. So like I put my leg over onto the other canoe and it keeps us all joined together. Essentially.

[00:12:57] Adam Cox: So no one has to paddle. You can just drift down the [00:13:00] river together, like taking in the sites.

[00:13:02] Kyle Risi: Yeah, we've done that before, but it was only because we were all getting really drunk on these canoes and we didn't wanna drift away from each other. Do you remember that at Sarah's Hindu?

[00:13:10] Adam Cox: Oh, yeah. I was like, when did I, that was probably because I was drunk.

[00:13:14] Adam Cox: So this group of tourists, they're connected. They're just taking in the sight, soaking up the calm, but the calm doesn't last for long 'cause Out of nowhere a loan male hippo explodes out of the reeds from the riverbank and charges straight at them, Phil yells to everyone to split up.

[00:13:32] Adam Cox: He kicks away the canoe next to him and he starts to pull his leg back into his own boat. But it wasn't quick enough because that hippo lunges and clamps onto his leg. It's four massive tusks spear, straight through Phil's leg in four different places, and the strength of that bite is unreal.

[00:13:50] Kyle Risi: Wow. Okay, so first of all, mm-hmm.

[00:13:52] Kyle Risi: We're really getting into this straightaway, aren't we? Yeah. Like the action is happening already.

[00:13:56] Adam Cox: I've set the scene. It's a nice [00:14:00] day. Now chaos.

[00:14:02] Kyle Risi: Wow. Okay. So this hippopotamus has just charged from the banks into the water and gone get away from my babies.

[00:14:09] Adam Cox: Well, it's a male hippo and it's just like, you're on my territory.

[00:14:12] Adam Cox: Get out.

[00:14:13] Kyle Risi: male hippos can also be good parents, you know, they can also be mindful of their calves. get away from my babies.

[00:14:18] Adam Cox: I think this one's just territorial

[00:14:20] Kyle Risi: fine.

[00:14:20] Adam Cox: So this hippo drags Phil into the water and starts thrashing him around like a ragdoll. The other Taurus could only just sit there helpless, watching the water around them turn red.

[00:14:31] Adam Cox: As the hippo tries to shake Phil loose from its tusks. Phil's stuck. He's literally skewered on the hippo's teeth ish After what feels like an eternity, Phil finally manages to break free. Well, part of him did. His leg, not so much. It's shredded. There's torn muscle. There's crushed bone. The top half is hanging on by threads.

[00:14:52] Kyle Risi: Oh my God. So it's, it's amputated.

[00:14:55] Adam Cox: it's just flopping around if you will.

[00:14:58] Kyle Risi: so amputated,

[00:14:59] Adam Cox: it's still [00:15:00] attached, but just floppy.

[00:15:01] Kyle Risi: Is it attached by the bone, Adam?

[00:15:03] Adam Cox: I dunno about that. It's crushed. Maybe, maybe loosely. Phil looks at it and he instantly knew that his life is about to change forever. That hippo meanwhile just leaves after all this carnage, He just wanders back into the reeds and sets off.

[00:15:19] Kyle Risi: So he is oh, I made a mistake then.

[00:15:21] Kyle Risi: Not a threat.

[00:15:21] Adam Cox: Yeah, I guess.

[00:15:22] Kyle Risi: And tasty, but not a threat.

[00:15:24] Adam Cox: The tourists managed to pull Phil out of the water. He's still breathing, which is obviously a relief, but when they see the state of his leg, some of them actually gag. It's that bad.

[00:15:33] Kyle Risi: Oh God.

[00:15:34] Adam Cox: And here's the real problem, they're deep in the Zambezi Valley miles from any real help.

[00:15:39] Adam Cox: There's no proper first aid supplies, there's no painkillers on board, just a shredded leg. And they're in the middle of nowhere.

[00:15:45] Kyle Risi: What they need is they need a good local, 'cause a local will teach them how they can kind of like chew up some kind of weird leaf from a tree and spit it out and then use it as some kind of ointment on the leg.

[00:15:56] Kyle Risi: And that would just repair that up straight away.

[00:15:58] Adam Cox: I don't think it's gonna glue [00:16:00] his leg back together. You dunno

[00:16:01] Kyle Risi: that

[00:16:01] Adam Cox: It's not like what's, I don't know, witchcraft a medicine man or anything out there that's gonna be able to heal him completely.

[00:16:07] Kyle Risi: That's exactly what it's like.

[00:16:09] Kyle Risi: You can't speak for my culture. Oh God. This is exactly what would happen.

[00:16:13] Adam Cox: Name five times this happened to you.

[00:16:16] Kyle Risi: Time one time two time three time four and time five.

[00:16:21] Adam Cox: Okay. you proved me wrong there. So Phil's alive, but for now it's gonna be a very long way back in the chaos. They didn't notice one thing.

[00:16:29] Adam Cox: Drifting quietly away. Phil's blue paddle slowly floating downstream. Now remember that Blue paddle Uhhuh? 'cause it might just come in handy later.

[00:16:39] Kyle Risi: Does he need the paddle?

[00:16:41] Kyle Risi: because it, there's like12 other Germans there. Surely they haven't also lost their paddles.

[00:16:45] Adam Cox: No, they've got their paddles. But Phil's paddle, it's lost downstream.

[00:16:48] Kyle Risi: Okay.

[00:16:48] Adam Cox: Getting Phil to a hospital was a race against time. The group paddled, like their lives depended on it, which to be fair, Phil's life did depend on it. They made their way to shore, but were unsuccessful in finding [00:17:00] help first. So they have to go back to Zambia, where eventually they're picked up and taken to a camp.

[00:17:05] Adam Cox: Phil is flown to a hospital, but bad news for him is, it looks like gangrene has already set in. It's not looking good for Phil.

[00:17:13] Kyle Risi: Okay, I see.

[00:17:13] Adam Cox: So meanwhile, two days later after Phil's attack, we are on the same river, but this time around 125 miles downstream, another group of holiday makers are enjoying their time on the Zambezi, there was Alistair, his best mate, Arthur, Arthur's wife, Faye and Faye's parents, Brenda and Clive.

[00:17:33] Adam Cox: So two families blended together on what was meant to be a relaxing getaway into the African wilderness. I don't know if, an African wilderness getaway is that relaxing.

[00:17:44] Kyle Risi: It depends how you're doing it, right? 'cause typically when you go on like an African safari, you get to stay in these beautiful kind of like revo lodges with thatch roof maybe sometimes high up in the trees or whatever.

[00:17:55] Kyle Risi: And like you get to chill, you sit in the balcony, look at the beautiful scene, and then like in the [00:18:00] morning, like really early at 5:00 AM you then go out on your safari. You might do like a few excursions, but you're not camping out there like you are staying like probably at a ,nice resort.

[00:18:10] Kyle Risi: remember when we went to South Africa, we weren't out in the Kruger National Park, just living in the field where lions could come up and sniff us.

[00:18:19] Adam Cox: I'll tell you my memory of this. Oh god. Number one, it was bloody hot. Yeah. Unbearably hot at some point,

[00:18:26] Kyle Risi: wasn't at one point. 'cause we had to go out at 5:00 AM in the morning.

[00:18:29] Kyle Risi: Mm-hmm. And the reason for that became very apparent as soon as eight o'clock rolled around when we were driving on the back of this truck. And then it stopped. And then as it stopped, just the hot air just hit you like a wall, didn't it? Yeah. and we're like shouting at the man, keep going, keep going,

[00:18:45] Adam Cox: keep driving.

[00:18:46] Adam Cox: It was so hot. So yeah. Number one. Very hot. Number two, I remember the bush babies that attacked the roof that night whilst we were sleeping, keeping us up. It was relentless. Number three, I had to have a mosquito net around me 'cause of this fear of getting malaria. Yeah. [00:19:00] Number four, when we went like looking at lions, we were in cages.

[00:19:03] Adam Cox: I don't think it's that

[00:19:03] Kyle Risi: relaxing. That's true. And then the horror stories that we heard about some of those lions , this guy who is apparently some kind of prince from some Northern African country was told that in order for his rite of passage to become the next king or the next prince or whatever, he had to walk with lions because that's what the prophecy said.

[00:19:23] Kyle Risi: Mm-hmm. So he came all the way down to South Africa to this protected, safe, apparently lion reserve. And he was driving through his car and he was like, okay, there's my opportunity. I'm gonna walk with the lions. And bam, they just took him and they killed him. They ripped him into shreds. Do you remember my dad telling us that

[00:19:39] Adam Cox: story?

[00:19:39] Adam Cox: I do. Yeah.

[00:19:41] Kyle Risi: And that was all over the papers that year.

[00:19:43] Adam Cox: Yeah. And so this is exactly my point.

[00:19:45] Kyle Risi: Yeah. And this is another reason why when you are on a African safari, you are not just in the bush in a tent somewhere like you are in a resort that's protected with arm guards. Of course.

[00:19:54] Adam Cox: Yeah.

[00:19:55] Adam Cox: But anyway, so this family, yeah. They're having this relaxing time

[00:19:58] Kyle Risi: on an excursion.

[00:19:59] Adam Cox: an [00:20:00] excursion is the last full day on the river. And the guys were set on squeezing in just one final afternoon of fishing and maybe a few sneaky beers.

[00:20:08] Adam Cox: Brenda, however, wasn't keen, she didn't like being on the water. and I dunno why she came on this trip in the first place. But anyway, uh, she's

[00:20:15] Kyle Risi: there for the mahi is back at the lodge.

[00:20:17] Adam Cox: Yeah, I think she's looking for some quiet time. She said four days of camping with the boys. She just wants to chill.

[00:20:22] Adam Cox: Have a few beers back by the riverside, whatever. but she's rope

[00:20:25] Kyle Risi: in is her last day, so she's yeah, a few more hours and we'll be back. Yeah. In my mosquito net. With a bush baby on the, the roof. Exactly.

[00:20:32] Adam Cox: Yeah. But spoiler alert, Brenda knew best and they should have listened to her that day.

[00:20:37] Adam Cox: The guys, however, twisted Brenda's arm and convinced her to come along. They all piled into a motorboat and headed upstream, Searching for a picturesque spot to fish, relax and chill with a few drinks. It was another postcard, perfect day, warm sun, clear water and wildlife everywhere.

[00:20:54] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm. Even Brenda, to her surprise, was enjoying herself. She was landing fish like a pro [00:21:00] and finally relaxing into that moment.

[00:21:02] Kyle Risi: So she changed her tune.

[00:21:03] Adam Cox: changed her tune. But that peaceful moment, it didn't last 'cause out of nowhere. A hippo. Yes. Bam. Hits the boat and with this force of a wrecking ball, is this the same damn hippo going on a rampage?

[00:21:16] Adam Cox: we don't know if it's the same hippo. It's 125 miles or kilometers downstream.

[00:21:21] Kyle Risi: Adam, when you say you don't know if it's the same hippo and then you say 125 miles. Almost guaranteed it's not the same hippo. unless he catches

[00:21:30] Adam Cox: a ride. news

[00:21:33] Kyle Risi: hippo's on a rampage.

[00:21:35] Adam Cox: . But anyway, there is another hippo at large that's like wreaking havoc. The front end of their boat shoots straight up into the air.

[00:21:44] Adam Cox: It's almost vertical, like it's about to flip over shit. And if you're wondering just how big this hippo was, it looked like it weighed maybe 3000 kilos. That's like a small car barreling into you.

[00:21:55] So Clive and Brenda, were thrown off the boat in opposite directions, while the other [00:22:00] three were tossed towards the back. The boat crashes down onto the water, and then the hippo again hits the boat and it flips completely over.

[00:22:09] Kyle Risi: Oh God.

[00:22:09] Adam Cox: Now all five of them are in the water with a furious hippo nearby.

[00:22:14] Kyle Risi: Yeah. Paul, Brenda hates being in the water.

[00:22:16] Adam Cox: She hates being on the water.

[00:22:18] Kyle Risi: Okay. But being in the water, I'm in the water with this damn hippo who's on a rampage. Yeah, It's fine. It's gonna be fine.

[00:22:24] Adam Cox: naturally, the five of them are expecting the worst. They're expected to be, I dunno, attacked by the hippo again. There's gonna be limbs flying, there's gonna be water thrashing around. But no, just like the attack two days earlier, the hippo seems to decide its work here is done. Mission accomplished.

[00:22:40] Adam Cox: And off it went,

[00:22:41] Kyle Risi: oh my God. Now I'm thinking this is an mo of this one Hippo exactly. Comes in, does a rampage, and then it's Hmm, done here. Maybe it just doesn't like

[00:22:49] Adam Cox: boats.

[00:22:50] Kyle Risi: Do you think it just can't be the same hippo, right?

[00:22:53] Adam Cox: No, probably not, it's

[00:22:54] Kyle Risi: just a thing the hippos do.

[00:22:55] Kyle Risi: They're very volatile. Their mood. They're like, ah, crazy. And then they're [00:23:00] like, yeah, ah, fine.

[00:23:01] Adam Cox: I've, I've attacked, I'm done. Yeah, I'm tired.

[00:23:04] Kyle Risi: Have you seen how massive I am? Only short bursts of energy, man.

[00:23:07] Adam Cox: While the hippo may have gone, the dangers were far from over for these five people. The first problem was don't drown.

[00:23:15] Adam Cox: And since the boat was upside down and half submerged climbing back into it wasn't an option. Brenda and Clive were in serious trouble 'cause neither of them were strong swimmers and because they hadn't bothered with life jackets, panic sets in fast. Brenda starts flailing around trying to stay afloat, and in her frenzy, she latches onto the nearest thing she could find.

[00:23:35] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm That was her daughter, Faye.

[00:23:38] Kyle Risi: Oh no. Poor fa.

[00:23:39] Adam Cox: And by latched onto, I mean, she tries to climb on top of Faye to keep herself above water. Obviously Brenda's is doing the best to survive and she doesn't realize she's risking her daughter's life at this point. Even it means dragging someone else under,

[00:23:52] Kyle Risi: and her daughter of all things , if you really want to Tess, if you're a good mom, this is how you, this is how you do it.

[00:23:58] Kyle Risi: You're like, okay, so I'm in the [00:24:00] life and death situation. Who do I protect myself or my daughter?

[00:24:03] Adam Cox: I don't think Brenda's thinking at this point.

[00:24:05] Kyle Risi: She's I want my damn hero.

[00:24:07] Adam Cox: Faye is gasping, she's coughing, she's spluttering, and she actually yells out, mom, you're pushing me down. And Brenda, she just panicked.

[00:24:14] Adam Cox: She's in full survival mode. But once Faye managed to catch her breath and managed to speak and calms her mom down, thankfully Brenda stops trying to drown her own daughter. Okay.Meanwhile, the current had pulled the three of them, Arthur, Faye, and Brenda, hundreds of meters downstream. Clive and Alistair, on the other hand, had managed to clinging to the wreckage of the boat, which has now flipped over and half sunk a weird angle.

[00:24:39] Adam Cox: The back end with the moat had sunk into the riverbed, leaving the front end jutting out of the water.

[00:24:44] Kyle Risi: so it's stuck, is it?

[00:24:45] Adam Cox: Yeah. And so there's no chance that they can flip it back over? Oh, no. So Clive and Alistair, they're basically stranded watching helpless as the others drift further and further away.

[00:24:54] Adam Cox: Then by some pure luck, Arthur Faye and Brenda floats right onto a submerged [00:25:00] sandbar in the middle of the river. Mm-hmm. They had no idea it was there, but thankfully some luck was on their side and they could stand pretty easy. And at that point, The water's really shallow, it's ankle deep at its highest point.

[00:25:10] Adam Cox: Okay. Arthur had taken in a lot of water and starts to vomit, and once he's finished doing that, they work out. they could swim to shore, but they didn't really know the exact width of the river at that point. 'cause I believe the Sambi River can be over a kilometer in width.

[00:25:25] Kyle Risi: Really? Wow.

[00:25:26] Kyle Risi: And what's the conditions of this river? I mean, if a boat can come along, then I'm assuming at this moment in time it's not rapids or anything because a boat's managed to sail to this area.

[00:25:35] Adam Cox: Yeah. a boat can sail, are fine. but the thing is though, even if you're a good swimmer, the river's current was so treacherous, the

[00:25:42] Adam Cox: Zambezi is famous for, its unpredictable and deceptively strong current. So there's whirlpools that have been known to pull people under. Yeah. Even if you're a strong swimmer.

[00:25:52] Kyle Risi: Scary man. Scary. So probably the best thing for them to do is just stay on the side of that sandbar and hope that someone comes and [00:26:00] rescues them.

[00:26:00] Adam Cox: Yeah. that's one thing that they could do. But the thing is, whilst they're no longer drowning mm-hmm. there are other animals that inhabit this water.

[00:26:08] Kyle Risi: Oh, paras,

[00:26:09] Adam Cox: no crocodiles.

[00:26:11] Kyle Risi: shit. Crocodiles.

[00:26:12] Adam Cox: The river is teeming with them. So the group had already spotted a few earlier, which made their current situation even more unsettling.

[00:26:20] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm. But to be fair, Alistair wasn't exactly clueless when it came to the wilderness. He worked as a safari guide and a hunter. And Arthur had actually worked with him for a while , so they aren't amateurs, but they just underestimated how the hippos hippos could

[00:26:33] Kyle Risi: be.

[00:26:33] Kyle Risi: Sure. And I got the sense that he was probably a little bit more experienced because they're out there on a boat and they don't have a guide like the Germans did. So obviously to go out in the wilderness like that, you probably need to know what you're doing.

[00:26:47] Adam Cox: Exactly. Yeah. And if you're a hunter, you know you're gonna be taking on animals mm-hmm.

[00:26:52] Adam Cox: At some point or other. So they're stuck and three of them are standing ankle deep on the sandbar and 200 meters away. Alistair Clive are [00:27:00] clinging onto the wrecked boat. Crocodiles are in the water, hippos are somewhere nearby, but there's nowhere to run. There's nowhere that they can just easily get out of this situation.

[00:27:09] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm.

[00:27:10] Kyle Risi: So why can't they call for help?

[00:27:12] Adam Cox: they're completely off the grid. No one knew where they were.

[00:27:15] Kyle Risi: they've got no walkie talkies or cell net.

[00:27:16] Kyle Risi: this is 1994, so there's no cell phones or anything like that.

[00:27:19] Adam Cox: Yeah. And they hadn't really told anyone where they were going. No one knew their route, their plans.

[00:27:24] Kyle Risi: Mistake number one. Always tell someone where you're going.

[00:27:28] Kyle Risi: yes. Like a horror movie.

[00:27:29] Adam Cox: So all they can do is just hope and pray that someone might happen to pass by. that day, but hours go by that

[00:27:35] Kyle Risi: bushman with the ointment. hey, if the hippopotamus can travel 125 miles,

[00:27:40] Adam Cox: which we don't know for a fact,

[00:27:42] Kyle Risi: and so can this bushman.

[00:27:43] Adam Cox: Yeah.

[00:27:44] Adam Cox: So a few hours go by under the blistering sun and there's no sign of help. Alistair realizes that just waiting probably isn't gonna cut it. It was mid-afternoon and the odds of someone showing up before nightfall was shrinking fast.

[00:27:58] Kyle Risi: Okay. So what you're basically saying is [00:28:00] they have to swim across.

[00:28:01] Adam Cox: Yeah.

[00:28:01] Adam Cox: They've got no other option that someone is gonna have to go and get help.

[00:28:05] Kyle Risi: Sense fe

[00:28:06] Adam Cox: Yeah. Brenda's not gonna go, is she? No,

[00:28:07] Kyle Risi: she's drunk.

[00:28:08] Adam Cox: Alistair was still on the wrecked boat with Clive, when he noticed the water level rising slowly but steadily, the sandbar was disappearing beneath their feet as well. A dam upstream must have opened up because the water was creeping higher and higher already up to their calves. And if they stayed put, they were going to be swept away or worse become crocodile baked.

[00:28:29] Adam Cox: Oh God. So Alistair makes a call. He's gonna swim to shore and try and find help. Now, Alistair, bless him, he figures his life is the least valuable because he's single, whereas the others are married or have kids.

[00:28:41] Kyle Risi: I think he needs to sit down with Brenda.

[00:28:43] Adam Cox: Why he

[00:28:44] Kyle Risi: she

[00:28:45] Adam Cox: trying to drown

[00:28:45] Kyle Risi: Faye?

[00:28:46] Adam Cox: yeah, but I guess he thinks that if, if someone was gonna lose their life or whatever, his life is worth less, which is kind of admirable.Mm-hmm. But I feel bad, just because you're single doesn't mean to say that. your life isn't worth anything.

[00:28:59] Kyle Risi: Sure. That's [00:29:00] true.

[00:29:00] Adam Cox: So Alistair steps up, the others try to talk him out of it. And I do wonder how much, of course, if it was more like, no, no, don't go Alistair while they're pushing him off the boat. but either way, are you sure?

[00:29:10] Kyle Risi: Oh,

[00:29:11] Adam Cox: okay.

[00:29:11] Kyle Risi: if you insist.

[00:29:13] Adam Cox: It sounds like they did have genuine concern. Of course. but I guess they thought it was quite unlikely for him to make it to the riverbank.

[00:29:19] Adam Cox: Oh God. But Alistair's not having any of it. He figures. waiting was a death sentence. Mm-hmm. The water's gonna keep rising. And once the sun is set and the crocodiles wake up from basking in the sun on the shore mm-hmm. They're gonna come in and start nibbling at them.

[00:29:33] Adam Cox: So Alistair slips into the water quiet as possible, and starts swimming towards the shore. The current is brutal though, and it's dragging him further downstream with every stroke. The others watch holding their breath as he drifts further and further away, Then he disappears completely from view.

[00:29:50] Adam Cox: They had no idea if he's made it to the River Bank. Or if something in the river had claimed him.

[00:29:55] Kyle Risi: Oh God. Something's claimed him.

[00:29:58] Adam Cox: No, he makes it.

[00:29:59] Kyle Risi: Oh, [00:30:00] to He

[00:30:00] Adam Cox: does. Yeah. He, he drifts along just enough and finds a shallow spot where he could finally put his feet down. Mm-hmm. And now he just had to figure out how to get help before the others. Run outta time. Sure. But before he could even think about getting help, he spots a pair of BD eyes peeking just above the waterline.

[00:30:18] Adam Cox: That'd be the crock at this point. I bet he wished he had listened to Brenda and not gone that boat trip that day.

[00:30:24] Kyle Risi: I wish I said Brenda

[00:30:25] Adam Cox: for a few 10 seconds. It was a full on staring contest. Alistair versus a three meter crocodile slowly gliding towards him.

[00:30:35] Kyle Risi: Oh no. And he's just staring at it. Mm.

[00:30:37] Kyle Risi: Why is it not running

[00:30:38] Adam Cox: In that moment, Alistair has a choice, swim like hell.

[00:30:42] Kyle Risi: Mm-hmm.

[00:30:42] Adam Cox: Or go on the attack he chooses full on attack,

[00:30:46] Kyle Risi: shut up a crocodile. these things are massive.

[00:30:49] Adam Cox: Alistair screams loudly and lunges towards the crocodile.

[00:30:53] Adam Cox: And when absolutely feral, hoping that by acting and like shouting and being a complete maniac, [00:31:00] he'd somehow scare it off acting real big and dominant to show that the crocodile whose boss and, and like that Alistair was the predator of the water. Mm-hmm. It makes sense. And for a second it seems to work.

[00:31:11] Adam Cox: Yeah. In fact, I think that's a really good strategy if you are faced with the possibility of being eaten by a wild animal, like a bear, a crocodile, a hippopotamus. If you just pretend that you're absolutely in fucking sane, like You are infected with syphilis, that animal will be like, yeah, if I eat that, that's gonna happen to me.

[00:31:30] Adam Cox: Yeah. I don't want that. That's gonna upset my stomach.

[00:31:33] Kyle Risi: Yeah.

[00:31:33] Adam Cox: Yeah. And I guess, maybe Alistair thinks that whatever he's doing, it's, it's working. The crocodile slips under the water, Alistair checks the coast is clear. He shoves his face beneath the water surface, scanning the murky water for any movement but .

[00:31:46] The croc had disappeared. Mm-hmm.

[00:31:48] Adam Cox: However, the crocodile is just lulling Alistair into a trap and in doing so, it strikes first clamping down on one of Alistair's legs. But at that exact same moment, Alistair, [00:32:00] like some kind of martial arts expert, throws a punch at its head direct, hit The Croc's teeth barely sinks in before it.

[00:32:07] Adam Cox: Let's go.

[00:32:08] Kyle Risi: Wow.

[00:32:09] Adam Cox: Then the crocodile lunges again biting into his left hand. And again, Alistair responds with a punch to the side of its head and the croc releases him. And so for a brief moment, Alistair's thinking, holy crap, I'm winning. I'm just won a fist fight with a crocodile.

[00:32:26] Kyle Risi: Yeah, I better put this on my LinkedIn.

[00:32:31] Kyle Risi: Wait until the boys hear about this.

[00:32:34] Adam Cox: But the crocodile comes back with a vengeance locking its jaws around most of Alistair's right arm. And then the deaf roll. So if you're not familiar what the deaf roll is, It is exactly as it sounds. The croc grabs hold of its prey and then spins violently to try and dismember it or drown it.

[00:32:52] Adam Cox: Whatever happens first.

[00:32:54] Kyle Risi: Wow. Horrifying. Sometimes Crocs will death roll each other? So they'll be like all [00:33:00] basking together and then one Croc's arm will be close to another Croc's mouth and that Croc will just grab that one's arm and just do a death roll. And it basically spins around and rips the other Croc's arm off.

[00:33:12] Kyle Risi: Mm-hmm. Amazingly, the Croc just sits there. It's oh, my arm's gone. Okay. I was gonna use that. Yeah. Really? Steve, what'd I do to you? Yeah, horrendous tactical movement from a crocodile man.

[00:33:26] Adam Cox: Yeah. But Alistair, because he is a, you know, hunter and a safari guide or whatever,

[00:33:31] Adam Cox: he instinctively locks his legs around the Croc's torso.

[00:33:35] Kyle Risi: He's gonna do a death row on him.

[00:33:37] Adam Cox: it's a move that he describes as the scissor grip, The way he describes it is that it allowed him to roll with the crocodile. Oh, I see. Clever. So he is not gonna be like So he is

[00:33:47] Kyle Risi: not being ripped against it. Yeah, exactly. In a like he's gonna go with it,

[00:33:51] Adam Cox: roll with the crocodile.

[00:33:53] Kyle Risi: And he shocked. hey, are we doing the tango?

[00:33:53] Adam Cox: He is shocked, however, by how powerful the animal was. 'cause this is a first death roll [00:34:00] and, he like

[00:34:01] Kyle Risi: his first death roll, his first death roll, it's

[00:34:03] Adam Cox: wow.

[00:34:04] Kyle Risi: Yeah, this is

[00:34:04] Adam Cox: pretty powerful. and the, the crocodile is like seven feet long and he's strong enough to tear Alistair into two.

[00:34:11] Adam Cox: Then while holding on for his dear life, he started cycling through every anti crocodile tactic he'd ever heard of. cause there's this experience as a safari guide kicked in. He knew that What can I do to get myself out of this?

[00:34:24] Kyle Risi: Okay, so there's a playbook out there, right?

[00:34:26] Adam Cox: Someone's published a book, a playbook, if you will.

[00:34:28] Adam Cox: Yeah.

[00:34:29] Kyle Risi: So do you have any ideas what Alistair did next? What would you do in this scenario?

[00:34:34] Kyle Risi: So you treat a crocodile like you would treat a pit bull. Once they lock onto your, arm or whatever it is, you just stick your finger right up the bum. And then the incident, they're like, ah.

[00:34:44] Kyle Risi: Especially if they're like really, really one of those like real cisgendered males. There's like no homo man, no homo, like really anti-gay. They're like, ah, that's such a bu that's gay.

[00:34:54] Adam Cox: Okay. So that's what you would do? Yeah. That's not what Alistair does. What does he [00:35:00] do? the thing is, if you are in a fight with a guy and you are unlikely to win, what do you go for?

[00:35:04] Adam Cox: I or balls.

[00:35:06] Kyle Risi: Oh. Ah. The thing is though, crocodiles balls are inside acoa.

[00:35:10] Adam Cox: Yeah. You're not. So they're tucked away. You're not gonna go for the balls, are you? No. You're gonna go for the eyeballs. Exactly.

[00:35:15] Kyle Risi: So what does he do? Like it just like. Grabs his face and like sticks his thumbs right into its eyeballs.

[00:35:20] Adam Cox: Yeah. He shoves his thumb into the croc's eye socket as hard as he could, and he pushes so deep that he actually dislocates his thumb.

[00:35:29] Kyle Risi: Oh shit. Really?

[00:35:30] Adam Cox: Yeah. Gross. The pain apparently is incredible. And yet it's Well for who? Well, for Alice, like glad hell don't speak for the crocodile and it doesn't seem to have any effect on the crocodile whatsoever.

[00:35:42] Adam Cox: it's totally unbothered.

[00:35:43] Kyle Risi: He's like, yeah, that's at least not my balls.

[00:35:45] Adam Cox: Yeah. And Paul Alistair is hurt himself way more than he hurt the actual crocodile. Mm-hmm. He tries another trick that's worked for some people in the past and that's grabbing the crocodile's fingers and bends them back until they break.

[00:35:57] Adam Cox: That doesn't work either.

[00:35:59] Kyle Risi: I just have [00:36:00] this image of him like. So he, he does a tactic that has worked for others. He breaks his fingers, has he got his phone on him and he's like scrolling through Reddit and going, oh, what could I do? oh, this seems to have worked. Lemme try that. Break his fingers.

[00:36:15] Adam Cox: think he knows other safari guides.

[00:36:17] Adam Cox: He's probably had stories and stuff like that.

[00:36:19] Kyle Risi: Yeah. But no one memorizes these things. Like you, you buy the book and then you just have it on hand, or you use Reddit. No one actually reads these things until they need it. This is 1994. Fair enough.

[00:36:31] Kyle Risi: And does that work?

[00:36:32] Adam Cox: No, it doesn't work.

[00:36:34] Kyle Risi: Then why say it?

[00:36:35] Adam Cox: he's going through all these different tactics, so he is thinking, I'm out of options until he remembers one last tactic.

[00:36:41] Kyle Risi: Okay.

[00:36:41] Adam Cox: He shoves his left hand, the injured one. Deep into the crocodile's throat, like all the way down.

[00:36:47] Adam Cox:

[00:36:47] Kyle Risi: gonna play that lord dangly thing, swinging at the back of his throat.

[00:36:50] Adam Cox: I dunno if it's the dangly thing. But it is right near the back of the, the throat. and that must have been pretty scary. Sticking your hand down a crocodile chomped down then through choice. Mm-hmm. he presses [00:37:00] down on this flap of skin that covers the airway to stop the water from getting into its lungs when the crocodile is underwater.

[00:37:06] Adam Cox: so it can open its mouth and, and not drown, essentially. Yeah. I'm with you. And so he does that and by pressing it down, he lets water into the, the crocodile to, to drown it, essentially. Oh, I see. And it works. The crocodile freaks out. It lets goes and it swims off. Wow. Okay, so he did it.

[00:37:23] Adam Cox: He was able to do all this while underwater spinning through a death roll and trying not to pass out from his mangled arm. Newfound respects. This guy is a legend.

[00:37:33] Kyle Risi: Yeah, 100%.

[00:37:34] Adam Cox: Once the croc swims off, Alistair somehow manages to crawl out of the river and onto the bank, and he got as far from the water as he could and then collapses.

[00:37:43] Adam Cox: He is wrecked, his arm is destroyed. There's bones that have been shattered in multiple places. His elbow and shoulder are completely dislocated. it's hanging on there, barely attached, and he's got bite marks on his leg and his hand and it, it doesn't [00:38:00] actually, you can't feel any of it yet because the adrenaline is still pumping through him.

[00:38:03] Adam Cox: Yeah, I can imagine. And so it's gonna

[00:38:05] Kyle Risi: be painful in a minute.

[00:38:06] Adam Cox: Exactly.

[00:38:07] Adam Cox: So the first thing he does, is because the guys, they wouldn't have seen any of this. 'cause he was outta sight. He yells out, I just got attacked by a crocodile. And they're like, oh my God. But probably not exactly shocked, because it is the Zambezi River. They're like, of course you. Oh, did you?

[00:38:22] Kyle Risi: Oh no.

[00:38:23] Kyle Risi: Oh, we shouldn't have sent

[00:38:24] Adam Cox: you. Brenda's probably there, like I told you, we shouldn't have. Come on today's trip.

[00:38:28] Kyle Risi: Classic Brenda.

[00:38:30] Adam Cox: So now Alistair knew what he had to do. He, he wasn't in good shape, but he needed to stop the bleeding. he also knew that the crocodile's mouths were septic full of parasites and bacteria, and if he didn't clean the wounds fast, it wasn't just blood loss that would kill him.

[00:38:45] Adam Cox: It'd be the infection. Yeah. So he crawls back into a shallow pool of water and washes his arm as best as he could, knowing it wasn't sterile. then he tears off part of his shirt and manages to rig up a makeshift tourniquet, which is,

[00:38:58] Kyle Risi: touray. Wow. What a [00:39:00] word.

[00:39:00] Adam Cox: ,

[00:39:00] Adam Cox: and that helps to cut off the blood supply flowing through his blood.

[00:39:03] Kyle Risi: Yes. When we did the Michael AIG episode, he had a tourniquet mm-hmm. That he would use to kind of like get the vein to pop out. So that's what he's doing. He's trying to stop the blood flow from like oozing out.

[00:39:13] Adam Cox: Exactly. Slow that blood down. He would buy him a bit more time, but now he faced the next problem. How are you gonna get help? And so the nearest fishing camp was about three or four miles away.

[00:39:25] Kyle Risi: That's not so bad.

[00:39:26] Adam Cox: that's still gonna take you an hour and a half, and he's injured.

[00:39:29] Kyle Risi: Yeah, that's true actually.

[00:39:30] Kyle Risi: You better get a move on.

[00:39:32] Adam Cox: He starts walking, but just after a few steps, that adrenaline is now wearing off. He starts to feel dizzy and lightheaded. and then he could feel his injuries, taking over his whole body.

[00:39:43] Kyle Risi: Mm-hmm.

[00:39:44] Adam Cox: Alistair was also a heavy smoker and a heavy drinker. So he's not exactly this gag for a

[00:39:48] Kyle Risi: fag.

[00:39:49] Adam Cox: he isn't in peak condition. it was tough enough to survive a crocodile attack, but recovering from it. That's a different story. Mm. He gave in and sat down under a tree and he figured he tried to pull [00:40:00] himself together for a few minutes before pushing on.

[00:40:02] Adam Cox: Meanwhile, back on the river, Clive was facing his own problem 'cause that water level was still rising and fast. the upturned boat he was sitting on is becoming less and less stable. And it was only a matter of time before it either drifted away or flipped completely over taking Clive with it.

[00:40:20] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm. So reluctantly Clive decided he couldn't wait anymore. He needed to swim to the sandbar where the others were waiting. He ruled out trying to get to the shore because, just like he didn't think he'd be able to survive like Alistair did. And so the sandbar was closer and a less of a gamble.

[00:40:35] Adam Cox: Here's the issue though. Clive is not a strong swimmer. In fact, he was pretty terrible at it and everyone knew it. But sitting on the boat there was no longer an option. He loads himself into the water and starts dog paddling towards the others. God biting against the current the best as he could of the whole entire time.

[00:40:52] Adam Cox: His wife, his daughter and son-in-law could only watch tents and helpless as Clive struggled towards them. Every ripple in the water looked [00:41:00] suspicious. Every branch, every flash of sunlight on the surface. Yeah. Their brains were thinking, oh my God, is that another crocodile any second? Now he could be yanked under the water.

[00:41:09] Kyle Risi: Oh,

[00:41:10] Adam Cox: tense. For context, he only had to swim about 200 meters, so it's not a crazy amount, but, in these conditions, that current is really strong.

[00:41:18] Adam Cox: But somehow Clive makes it, and it's a small win. Finally, for them, there's a brief and shaky celebration when Clives climbs onto the sandbar, but that relief doesn't last long because that water is still rising and they have no idea how they're gonna get out, and if Alistair is even alive.

[00:41:34] Kyle Risi: Mm-hmm.

[00:41:35] Adam Cox: Meanwhile, Alistair was still out there sitting under a tree trying to regain some strength. But resting wasn't exactly easy. 'cause it turns out the smell of blood is a bit of a beacon for trouble.

[00:41:46] Kyle Risi: Oh, it's an aphrodisiac.

[00:41:48] Adam Cox: That's

[00:41:48] Kyle Risi: definitely not an aphrodisiac.

[00:41:51] Adam Cox: Of course, it's not just about ants. Alistair knew there were other things coming for him.

[00:41:55] Kyle Risi: Ooh, hyenas and tigers and, well, lions, lions.

[00:41:59] Adam Cox: The [00:42:00] real hunters would be smelling his blood from miles away. And so sitting there bleeding in the middle of the African bush uhhuh, just waiting for some animal to catch a scent and have him for dinner.

[00:42:10] Kyle Risi: Okay. This is not looking good.

[00:42:12] Adam Cox: No. And so now feels like a perfect time to take a break and when we come back, something almost like a miracle is gonna happen to help save the day.

[00:42:22] Kyle Risi: I was just thinking like, how the hell are they gonna get outta this? Exactly. I'm so ready for this. Let's do it.

[00:42:30] Adam Cox: So Kyle, we are back. What are you thinking?

[00:42:33] Kyle Risi: I just don't see how they are gonna get out of this because they are approaching nighttime. They're stuck out in the wilderness. They're miles away from any help I think they're toast.

[00:42:46] Kyle Risi: I think they're going to be dinner or something. Yeah.

[00:42:49] Adam Cox: Well, Alistair, he's there, he's bleeding out. He thinks he's about to get eaten. And then you've got, Clive, Brenda and Arthur and Faye, they're standing on the bank with the water now.

[00:42:59] Adam Cox: past their [00:43:00] knees.

[00:43:00] Kyle Risi: Yeah. I don't really have that much sympathy for Brenda. I'm sorry. I don't, she tried to kill her daughter,but the others, yeah. That's awful.

[00:43:07] Adam Cox: Yeah. Okay. So what's gonna happen? Well, night has now fallen, and that means the crocodiles, they're gonna make their way into the water.

[00:43:17] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm. The moon is almost full and it's bright enough to light up Clive and Brenda, et cetera, in the water.

[00:43:24] Kyle Risi: they're sitting ducks basically.

[00:43:25] Adam Cox: Exactly. But then all of a sudden, Arthur spots something floating downstream. It's not a branch, it's not a piece of

[00:43:32] Kyle Risi: word. I dunno why you're keeping us in suspense yet.

[00:43:35] Kyle Risi: A crocodile?

[00:43:36] Adam Cox: No, it's blue. Huh? Remember Phil Longdon from our first group who got his leg? it was almost ripped off.

[00:43:43] Kyle Risi: Oh, the paddle. The

[00:43:45] Adam Cox: paddle, yes. Because after Phil's hippo attack mm-hmm. He had lost his paddle to the river and he watched it drift away. But that was a couple days ago. Exactly.

[00:43:54] Adam Cox: It's taken 125 miles over two days for that paddle to make its way [00:44:00] downstream to where this group of tourists were in trouble.

[00:44:03] Kyle Risi: Okay. But the question is, how the hell is that gonna even help?

[00:44:06] Adam Cox: Arthur waited out and grabbed the paddle before it could slip past, and everyone in the sandbar celebrated because they've got some kind of weapon.

[00:44:15] Adam Cox: They can use this against the crocodiles

[00:44:17] Kyle Risi: smack 'em on the head or Yeah, if they can get them down into their, their jugular and smack their little kind of lung thing, flap at the back of the throat.

[00:44:23] Adam Cox: It's whack-a-mole. That's what they're gonna be doing in the water. Really.

[00:44:26] Kyle Risi: Who knew all you needed?

[00:44:28] Adam Cox: Was

[00:44:28] Kyle Risi: just a paddle.

[00:44:29] Adam Cox: to be honest, it's not really this great defense

[00:44:31] Kyle Risi: against a crocodile, but It's better than nothing.

[00:44:33] Adam Cox: they can at least like swing and hopefully hit one or two. Okay. That, that's their plan. So they stand in a circle back to back facing outward.

[00:44:41] Adam Cox: So anytime they spotted a crocodile, they'd rotate. So Arthur could swing at it with the paddle and try and scare it off with a loud slap against the water. And if that didn't work, swing it and hit it on the nose.

[00:44:52] Kyle Risi: Okay. So is that the plan or is that physically what's happening at this point? That is

[00:44:55] Adam Cox: what's happening.

[00:44:56] Adam Cox: That's the plan, and that's what they put into motion.

[00:44:58] Kyle Risi: Okay. So the crocs are [00:45:00] coming for them.

[00:45:00] Adam Cox: Yeah. And it's not a sophisticated strategy by any means. but that is literally the best that they can do at this moment in time.

[00:45:07] Kyle Risi: effective because I've seen people who work, like in crocodile enclosures or sanctuaries mm-hmm.

[00:45:13] Kyle Risi: Where they go out to do some cleaning of the, the pond that they're living in. And if they want any of the crocodiles to just scuttle away, all they do is they have a, a literal shovel. And they just hit them on the nose With the shovel. And they do, they just like dart away.

[00:45:26] Adam Cox: Yeah.

[00:45:27] Adam Cox: That's enough To scare 'em off for a little bit. It's little. Really

[00:45:28] Kyle Risi: Don't like that. You could try and break their finger. And they'll be fine. You're fine. stick your finger up the bum, they're fine.

[00:45:35] Adam Cox: Smack 'em on the

[00:45:35] Kyle Risi: nose. They're like, oh, too far. That's my androgynous though.

[00:45:39] Adam Cox: Yeah. So it's pretty bad for them.

[00:45:42] Adam Cox: But then it's even worse for Alistair, 'cause Night had fallen and he could hear the lion smiling and the hyenas cackling and the smell of his open wounds that could be luing a predator towards him.

[00:45:52] Adam Cox: , Alistair improvises though, because, he, he feel like he needs some kind of defense if something does approach. So he starts gathering rocks that he [00:46:00] could use as a weapon to lunge as missiles. So he, he stashes a few of these rocks, waiting for the inevitable.

[00:46:06] Adam Cox: And sure enough, he hears something moving. Grunting, heavy footsteps getting closer, his heart's pounding and he holds his breath. A massive cape. Buffalo emerges from the tall grass staring straight at him.

[00:46:20] Kyle Risi: One of the old boys is fine. He's gonna be like, do you know what mate? I've had my calves. I've lived my life.

[00:46:26] Kyle Risi: I've raised like a family. I'm here to help you. Wise old buffalo, you're not

[00:46:31] Adam Cox: far off. Actually

[00:46:32] Kyle Risi: shut up

[00:46:33] Adam Cox: So it's almost like some kind of weird fate or luck or guardian Angel was looking down on this group. Mm-hmm. Because Alistair is a hunter and his specialty was Cape Buffalo. Mm-hmm. So he'd killed hundreds of them over the years, but not with rocks, mind you.

[00:46:48] Adam Cox: I guess he felt like he could at least potentially take on a buffalo. He knew how to.

[00:46:53] Kyle Risi: Sure.

[00:46:53] Adam Cox: And the thing is though, Cape Buffalo are unpredictable, they don't need much of a reason to attack. [00:47:00] So Alice has now gotta workout. Does he attack first or does the buffalo? Well, who goes first, the thing is, the Buffalo just stands there watching him, and then slowly it takes a few steps closer and just lays down. And then Alistair thinks, this is weird. Is this Buffalo trying to protect me

[00:47:17] Kyle Risi: so he just lays down next to him.

[00:47:19] Adam Cox: Lays down, and . He feels like he's protecting him He's, he also feels a bit guilty 'cause he is like, well, I've killed so many, I've killed so many of you. Yeah. And you are here protecting me. How surreal that must have felt.

[00:47:30] Kyle Risi: whatever you do, Alison, just do not mention all the buffalo you've killed when you get into a conversation.

[00:47:35] Kyle Risi: Like you can sometimes ramble a bit. Just don't mention that. Yeah. Don't want to angry

[00:47:39] Adam Cox: The buffalo ask, what do you do for a career?

[00:47:41] Kyle Risi: you should check my LinkedIn.

[00:47:42] Adam Cox: And so Alistair figures, if this buffalo was on guard duty, maybe he could actually get some proper rest. So he leans back and thinks, yeah, why not? I'm just gonna fall asleep. thing is though, if he had have lugged a rock at that buffalo mm-hmm.

[00:47:55] Adam Cox: Things could have ended very differently. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a good thing that he didn't attack first. [00:48:00] I agree.

[00:48:00] Adam Cox: Meanwhile, the others, they're not having, a restful night's sleep.

[00:48:05] Kyle Risi: Mm-hmm.

[00:48:05] Adam Cox: they're spending the whole night fighting off crocodiles with Phil's paddle. No joke. Every time a croc gets too close, Arthur would slap the water and scare it off.

[00:48:14] Kyle Risi: They've gotta go to sleep at some point.

[00:48:16] Kyle Risi: They can't maintain this all night.

[00:48:18] Adam Cox: They do. Their strategy works. They survive the entire night. Just with that kind of tactic of scaring off crocodiles with that all.

[00:48:25] Kyle Risi: there really is a miracle. One, they get a paddle that protects them a lot.

[00:48:29] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm.

[00:48:29] Kyle Risi: And then there's buffalo, just a guardian angel just comes along and. It's protecting him.

[00:48:33] Adam Cox: Yeah. But it wasn't easy. This was one of the longest, most miserable nights of their lives. They're freezing cold, they're soaked, they're absolutely knackered, but they are alive when the sun comes up. Mm-hmm. And then the Crocs slide back into the riverbanks to warm up in the sun. So it gives them just a bit of a break from basically being petrified the entire time.

[00:48:54] Kyle Risi: Yeah.

[00:48:54] Adam Cox: Alistair wakes up, and the buffalo is getting up and it's heading off, so it's [00:49:00] done its job, it's played bodyguard for the night and it's given Alistair some time to rest. Just as the buffalo leaves, Alistair hears something else, the sound of a motor. His heart jumps.

[00:49:11] Adam Cox: There had been a boat and someone coming to rescue him. Oh, Alistair forced himself to stand and he hobbles back down the river. Still very aware that he was in crocodile territory and he scans the water, but nothing. So he listens harder. Maybe it was a plane or maybe it was just some hallucination from all this exhaustion.

[00:49:29] Adam Cox: Mm. Either way, he couldn't afford to wait around, so he gathers up his pile of rocks because you never know, they might come in handy. And he starts, walking and I guess he just felt like he needed a weapon. Hours pass, maybe 2, 3, 4 hours. he's barely conscious. He's running on fumes, but he keeps going step after step.

[00:49:47] Adam Cox: He couldn't stop picturing the others back on the sandbar. Still trapped, still waiting. So he knew that he had to get help. And then he hears this motor sound again. This time he's sure it was real. And then he also hear voices, human [00:50:00] voices. Alice stumbles back towards the river's edge, his heart pounding, and there it was about two people on board.

[00:50:07] Adam Cox: He yells out, but nothing comes out. His voice barely. A whisper is two weak, always. They've

[00:50:12] Kyle Risi: got laryngitis or something is just, It's empty.

[00:50:15] Adam Cox: So he switches to plan B. He raises his one good arm because the other one's obviously weak and all flailing and stuff. Yeah. , trying to get the attention of these other fishermen that are on this boat.

[00:50:25] Adam Cox: Eventually one of them spots him,

[00:50:28] Adam Cox: And the boat turns towards him, and they finally pull up alongside Alistair. He tries to explain what's happened, but the fishermen like, it's okay, mate.

[00:50:36] Adam Cox: Let's just get you out of here. They lift him into the boat and they took him to a fishing camp and immediately sent help to rescue the others, assuming of course they were still alive. Mm-hmm. When the boat shows up, Brenda, Clive, Faye, and Arthur were overwhelmed with relief and even more stunned to find out that Alistair had actually survived the crocodile attack

[00:50:56] Kyle Risi: this whole time, like they were just like, he's probably been eaten.

[00:50:59] Adam Cox: [00:51:00] So the fishermen take the group to a nearby fishing camp. When they get Alistair to the camp and saw the state that he was in, everyone realized he might not make it. His injuries were brutal. But the real problem was the infection Ganging had already set in already. Yeah. Didn't take long. And I get it.

[00:51:17] Adam Cox: This is the thing, it's those, bite wounds from the crocodile yeah. You

[00:51:20] Kyle Risi: said they were really like loads of bacteria in inside of them.

[00:51:23] Adam Cox: Alistair needed to get to a hospital fast, but the problem was they were in the middle of nowhere and it took a few hours for a rescue plane to arrive.

[00:51:30] Adam Cox: When it finally showed up, they loaded Alistair onto a stretcher to get him on board, but then the plane wouldn't start.

[00:51:38] Kyle Risi: Oh, no, they need a paddle.

[00:51:40] Adam Cox: These guys are having the worst luck, so now they have to send for another plane, which meant waiting another couple of hours. Meanwhile, Alistair's on desk door.

[00:51:50] Adam Cox: Is he gonna be able to hold out much longer? Eventually the replacement plane does arrive and they manage to get Alistair to the hospital. And here's where the story takes an incredible [00:52:00] turn. 'cause somehow he does survive and the doctors actually work miracles. They manage to basically repair his arm as best as they can with various surgeries, skin grafts, lots of antibiotics.

[00:52:14] Adam Cox: And he pulls through and he gets full use of his arm pretty much back. Really?

[00:52:18] Kyle Risi: Wow. So no amputation or anything? No

[00:52:19] Adam Cox: amputation. Wow. Maybe, I don't know. Some pain and stuff like that. But largely he's okay.

[00:52:24] Kyle Risi: Mm-hmm.

[00:52:25] Adam Cox: He's not the only one. 'cause Phil Longdon the to guy from the original attack. He did survive too, but he wasn't quite as lucky.

[00:52:32] Adam Cox: By the time he got to the hospital. Doctors found he had developed both gangrene and something called Osteomyelitis.

[00:52:38] Kyle Risi: God.

[00:52:39] Adam Cox: Where that's when the bone itself starts to rot.

[00:52:41] Kyle Risi: Oh geez.

[00:52:42] Adam Cox: Yeah. That is nasty. So they had no choice but to amputate his leg.

[00:52:47] Kyle Risi: Okay.

[00:52:47] Adam Cox: But he still survived and he fought off a hippo.

[00:52:49] Adam Cox: He survived septicemia and lived to tell the tail. And here's where it gets really wild. 'cause days later Phil had heard about the other group's story. Mm-hmm. And how they had spotted the blue paddle drifting [00:53:00] toward them. How it, I,

[00:53:02] Kyle Risi: he was like, can I have that paddle back?

[00:53:05] Adam Cox: Well, that's when Phil realized that was his paddle.

[00:53:08] Adam Cox: And he's like, well, . Something good came of this disaster , yeah, he's kind of speechless to know that. Despite his pain, what he's lost his leg and everything, he still managed to help out this group of people.

[00:53:19] Kyle Risi: That's cool. That is really cool. And what a connection as well, I guess that bonds them together forever.

[00:53:25] Kyle Risi: Not a Brenda though. Brenda, you try to drown your daughter. Stop trying to get in there with me. I'm not interested in being your friend. I don't trust you. I just don't trust you.

[00:53:34] Adam Cox: Bloody Brenda. would he go through it all again? Probably not, but I guess he had some peace knowing that despite his terrible experience in a weird way, that he managed to save four strangers lives.

[00:53:47] Adam Cox: and yeah, , that's the story of two insane Hippo attacks connected by the same blue paddle and has become known as the terror on the Zambezi of 1994.

[00:53:58] Kyle Risi: Wow. [00:54:00] That was incredible. what an amazing coincidence. Is it a coincidence It is a miracle. Right? It must be a miracle.

[00:54:06] Adam Cox: yeah, because Phil didn't have that attack mm-hmm. Then this group of people would've most likely died.

[00:54:11] Kyle Risi: And the timing as well. Mm-hmm. Like the timing was impeccable because in order to get that paddle,

[00:54:16] Kyle Risi: clive needed to be in the water at that moment in time in order to grab it.

[00:54:19] Adam Cox: Yeah. They needed to be in that water and it had to, obviously it took two days for that paddle to get to them.

[00:54:25] Kyle Risi: And the fact that it didn't get caught up in mm-hmm.

[00:54:27] Kyle Risi: Like branches or like sit along the bank or like a monkey pick it up or whatever.

[00:54:32] Adam Cox: Yeah. And then you had this buffalo that's guarding Alistair all night. I just think, wow.

[00:54:37] Kyle Risi: Yeah. It goes to show that the Lion King is right. Everything is interconnected and we're just like, it's a circle of life and everything happens for a reason and everything is in the spine balance.

[00:54:47] Adam Cox: I thought you were gonna break into song then.

[00:54:49] Kyle Risi: It's the circle of life.

[00:54:52] Adam Cox: one thing I do hope is that Alistair stopped hunting cake buffalo because after this one did save his life, and I think, you know, I would've protected them for [00:55:00] the rest of my life.

[00:55:00] Kyle Risi: Yeah, sure. And how ironic.

[00:55:03] Kyle Risi: For that to happen is like you've spent so much time hunting these buffalo. Mm-hmm. Only for it to turn out that one of 'em actually turns out to be your guardian angel. And I think there's something quite poetic in that. Yeah.

[00:55:13] Kyle Risi: Don't hunt, don't hunt unless it's conservation and that money's been reinvested in continuing to protect the other animals.

[00:55:21] Adam Cox: Okay. Okay. Very responsible. as for Phil though, um, because I did try and find out like what these people have done since this attack, 'cause it's 30 years ago.

[00:55:30] Adam Cox: Mm-hmm. I couldn't really find a lot of information about any of these people to be honest. But I did find a fundraising page where his sister was fundraising to get a new artificial leg for him.

[00:55:40] Kyle Risi: Ah.

[00:55:41] Adam Cox: But it looked like they only made $600 out of a target of 50,000. No. Yeah. So it's quite an old page, but I wonder if he ever did get his false legs.

[00:55:50] Adam Cox: So if you're listening, Phil.

[00:55:51] Kyle Risi: Let us know. Yeah. And can we still donate to get him another leg? Surely He must have got it by now. 'cause this is 1994. Yeah. Someone must have cough something up. [00:56:00] You would hope so. Yeah. I would donate towards a, a new leg. I'll find the link. Yeah, for sure. Let's put it in the show notes , but, but yeah, just be careful.

[00:56:07] Kyle Risi: We'll only post the link if he's still looking for a leg.

[00:56:10] Adam Cox: Yeah. If he's already got a leg, Then he's fine.

[00:56:14] Kyle Risi: Well, that was really incredible. I really appreciate that story. it was good fun. Cool. Should we run the outro? Let us run the outro, Adam.

[00:56:22] Adam Cox: And that brings us to the end of another fascinating foray into the compendium and assembly of fascinating things. We hope you enjoy the ride as much as we did.

[00:56:30] Kyle Risi: If today's episode sparks your curiosity, then do us a favor and please follow us on your favorite podcasting app. It really makes a world of difference and helps more people like you.

[00:56:39] Kyle Risi: Find the show

[00:56:40] Adam Cox: and for our dedicated freaks out there. Don't forget, next week's episode is already waiting for you on our Patreon. Completely free to access.

[00:56:48] Kyle Risi: And also, if you want even more, you can join our certified Freaks tier to unlock our entire archive and delve into exclusive content and get a sneak peek of what's coming next.

[00:56:57] Kyle Risi: And remember, if you are already a certified freak, [00:57:00] send us a dm. We will send you one of our beautifully laied key chains so we can always be near your crotch.

[00:57:07] Adam Cox: I feel like we should have that on the back of the key chain. What? Always near your crotch. Always near your crotch.

[00:57:11] Adam Cox: The next

[00:57:12] Kyle Risi: batch, I will get that printed on the

[00:57:14] Adam Cox: back. We drop new episodes every Tuesday. Until then, remember, if you ever find yourself on the Zambezi River, trust your instincts. Respect the river. And if Brenda says she's not feeling the boat trip, listen to bloody Brenda. Oh, we'll see you next time. See ya. [00:58:00]