The Compendium Podcast
Pick a job and apply to join the team, then submit a wacky performance review and get featured on a future episode.
JOB-0067
REHIRINGKeeps tyres inflated, confident, and emotionally resilient. Conducts pressure check-ins, motivational briefings, and post-wobble reassurance sessions. Tracks performance indicators like squeak frequency and tread anxiety. Intervenes when a tyre starts 'going flat for attention' or when wheels form a workplace grievance circle.
Salary:$42k + mystery bonus envelope
Reports to:Inflatable Systems Chief
JOB-0064
REHIRINGVerifies stamps are crisp, legitimate, and emotionally satisfying. Audits ink quality, investigates counterfeit stamp rings, and confiscates suspiciously perfect impressions. Maintains the Official Stamp Ledger and may declare a stamp invalid if it lacks sufficient drama. Known for detecting fraud purely by vibes and wrist flick.
Salary:$20 bucks + eternal glory
Reports to:Footwear Program Owner
JOB-0063
AVAILABLEPrevents honk-based conflict and balloon escalation between clown factions. Mediates disputes, drafts peace accords, and enforces the Neutral Nose Zone. Coordinates apology exchanges, manages shared prop treaties, and intervenes when passive-aggressive juggling turns into open squeak warfare.
Salary:$100k + front-row chaos
Reports to:Operations Ringmaster
JOB-0060
REHIRINGIdentifies ropes with bad intentions and quarantines them before they form knots out of spite. Oversees rope behaviour assessments, coil storage discipline, and knot rehabilitation. Investigates incidents involving 'sudden tightening,' 'aggressive loop formation,' or ropes that seem to remember your mistakes. Authorised to confiscate any rope giving off villain energy.
Salary:$88k + backstage snack stipend
Reports to:Inflatable Systems Chief
JOB-0059
AVAILABLETracks rogue whistlers, issues formal cautions, and maintains the Official Whistle Register (Volumes I'XIII). Investigates whistle motives, confiscates suspicious tunes, and enforces designated Whistling Hours. Escalates repeat offenders to the Tribunal of 'Stop That Immediately,' chaired by someone who has heard too much.
Salary:$88k + backstage snack stipend
Reports to:Safety Marshal of Wheels
JOB-0058
AVAILABLEReviews cannon launches for moral compliance, trajectory decency, and the acceptable angle of regret. Signs off on consent forms, landing-zone dignity, and 'is this actually necessary' assessments. Provides ethical guidance when the cannon feels eager and prepares contingency statements for any unintended garden, roof, or neighbouring county landings.
Salary:$42k + mystery bonus envelope
Reports to:Snack Infrastructure Lead
JOB-0055
AVAILABLEEnforces the three-metre No Vibes Exclusion Zone around tightropes. Issues penalties for emotional leaning, unauthorised encouragement, and staring too hard. Monitors wind, footwear squeak levels, and audience 'helpful' commentary. Has authority to remove anyone attempting 'just a quick step' for a photo, including senior management.
Salary:$20 bucks + eternal glory
Reports to:Mobility Governance Chief
JOB-0054
AVAILABLESchedules screaming into approved time slots and reroutes unauthorised screams to the Whisper Corridor. Maintains the Scream Calendar, monitors volume compliance, and files incident forms for spontaneous shrieks. Provides calming memos during high-stress periods that are immediately ignored in favour of louder screaming.
Salary:$100k + front-row chaos
Reports to:Soundstage Ring Captain
JOB-0053
AVAILABLEVerifies stew meets minimum standards of warmth, viscosity, and plausible origin'without asking forbidden questions. Conducts ladle sampling, audits 'ingredient transparency,' and stamps batches FIT FOR CONSUMPTION or BEST NOT. Investigates rumours of sentient carrots and keeps an emergency bread policy for morale stabilisation.
Salary:$50k + unlimited popcorn
Reports to:Chief Wonder Officer
JOB-0051
AVAILABLEEnsures every document exists in triplicate, quadruplicate, and the secret fifth copy for auditing. Maintains copier morale, resolves staple shortages, and investigates vanishing originals. Responsible for making the bureaucracy feel inevitable'even when the request was 'where's the mop' and the mop is right there.
Salary:$88k + backstage snack stipend
Reports to:Historical Compliance Director
JOB-0050
AVAILABLECertifies ladders as 'probably fine,' investigates wobble allegations, and quietly retires ladders with dark auras. Conducts rung interviews, observes ladder posture, and issues stability ratings from TRUSTWORTHY to ABSOLUTELY NOT. Maintains a confidential list of ladders that have looked at people wrong.
Salary:$42k + mystery bonus envelope
Reports to:High Wire Program Lead
JOB-0049
AVAILABLEMonitors unexplained drafts, issues Wind Incident Reports, and escalates any breeze that feels intentional. Investigates cold neck events, interviews curtains for alibis, and deploys ribbons to visualise air conspiracies. Responsible for declaring whether the wind is simply weather'or a targeted administrative harassment campaign.
Salary:$42k + mystery bonus envelope
Reports to:High Wire Program Lead